survey time

Hello gentle reader (both of you). I have a question for you. Oddly enough I am probably going to ignore your answers, actually that isn't true, I am going to read your answers and they will probably effect/affect the way I write - but for now I am going to say I am going to ignore your responses.

Let me explain.

Last week I sent my mum an email. As usual I attached one of my posts to the bottom of my email, it makes the email look longer and I know that my mum likes to read what I write. I don't send her all my posts and those posts I do send tend to undergo some editing. The majority of editing is the use of the "f" word. My mother does not like the "f" word. It is not big, it is not clever in my mother's eyes. The problem is that it is part of my vocabulary. It is a word I use (not as often as Maria) but I do use it. I use swear words. I like the emphasis they give to a point. I don't use them often (at this point someone will point out that I do), so I like to think that when I use one it has a real sense to it. I have, to my knowledge, used the "f" word twice in front of my mother. Once was in her house. I was very, very drunk at the time. It was 2 o'clock in the morning, we had been working our way through a bottle of whisky and through some of the problems that exist between us. My ex-wife had already gone to bed (four hours earlier) and I was getting more and more frustrated. Suddenly, in the middle of my conversation the "f" word slipped out. EVERYTHING STOPPED! My mother informed me that I could not use that word in her house. I, in my drunkeness (is that a word?), walked out of her house and headed off into the dark. It was very dark. My mother lives in a small village in Norfolk, big enough to have street lights, small enough to have only two street lights. I stomped off and within twenty paces I found myself enveloped by total darkness. That sort of darkness you can no longer find in the 21st Century except in third world countries that don't have electricity or Norfolk. There was a weeping willow in front of me, I crawled under its branches, found the trunk, cuddled up to it and fell asleep (passed out drunk). Four hours later I woke and made my way home. I never knew if my mother was more upset by my use of the "f" word of the fact that I slept under a tree - however, I never used the "f" word in her house again. [The second time was in my own house while arguing with my brother - that was a great Christmas!]

My relationship with my mother is, at this moment, better than it has been for years - surreal, considering that we are now over 5000 miles apart. It is a good relationship. I talk to her much more often on the phone now than I ever did before and I write to her (or try to write to her) at least once a week. She likes my writing. I know that she prints out every email and keeps them, I also know that she takes pride in forcing friends and family to read my emails. Therefore I take time and care to delete the "f" words that appear in any posts. Last week I copied and pasted the post about my fear of doctors to the email I sent. I started to edit the post, to delete the "f" words and, during the editing process, I hit the "tab" key. It was then that I discovered that in gmail hitting the "tab" key means that the email is automatically sent. The whole thing was sent without being edited! This I did on Wednesday. Today is Sunday. I have spent several days worrying about how upset my mother is.

This morning Maria asked me to phone my mum. I refused. I was worried that she might be upset with me and I really wanted to avoid a confrontation. Maria demanded that I phoned my mum. I refused. Maria went on and on and on and on and on (and on and on and on) that I should phone my mum. I phoned my mum.

She's not well. She has a punctured eardrum, blood in her ear. She saw the doctor Friday, will see him again on Wednesday. My elder brother is in Croatia. My younger brother's son has his First Holy Communion (capital letters for that?) next week and she is going. We talked about Frank Sinatra - and I can say that my mum lurves Mr. Sinatra! You should have heard the way she said "Yes" when answering the statement: "I know you like Frank Sinatra." She  has Ocean's Eleven on DVD but she also has many, many Sinatra DVDs and "The Rat Pack" DVD. She can't remember going to see Rose-Marie with John and I. She denies that she ever lied to nuns. She remembers going and seeing Rose-Marie during the war, with an American! She doesn't think he ever gave her "nylons and chocolate" but he did go ask her parents if he could take her to the cinema. And then I apologised for the email. We had a long conversation about the fact that I don't put the word "SPAM" in my subject headings. The fact that she receives over 50 pieces of spam a day. The fact that she really should change her email provider. The fact that she doesn't want to do it yet because she wants her friend to help her. And then I apologised (again) for the email, about the fact that I hadn't edited it.

"William you really don't need to use that word. There are so many other words. It isn't just that I don't like the word but I am sure that your other readers don't like that word either. They would like your writing so much better if you didn't use that word."

So (at last) it is over to you gentle reader (both of you). How do you feel about the use of the "f" word? Does it spoil your enjoyment? Is my mother right?

Please note: your comments may well be forwarded to my mother so please refrain from using the actual "f" word in your replies.

I thank you.

Comments

[neil h]

The word itself doesn't bother me in the least. It's just a collection of four letters arranged in a particular order that has a meaning depending on the context it is used in. Yes, it can be offensive, but so can lots of other things said without using using swear words.

[Alan]

Well because I am probably equally guilty of using the same word (both day to day and the occassional post), no it doesn't offend me, and I'm somewhat ashamed to say that I hadn't really noticed it being a problem.

I know that it does offend others however and try to mind my language around those people.

[Diane]

I thought it was part of your charm. :)

I have not noticed that you ever use the word gratuitously or for sheer shock value, just as an emotional descriptive. Your use brings a more personal reality to your writing.

Many people do find the word offensive; like you, I too censor myself in their company. But I still use the word . . .

[Vanessa]

It's a fucking great word, though.

[Vanessa]

"Please note: your comments may well be forwarded to my mother so please refrain from using the actual "f" word in your replies."

Oh.

Err..... Oopsy.

[Nancy]

Your mother could be quoting mine. For me, it's not an inherently offensive word.