the terrific tales of Action Will

This will be a "live" blogging event. To prove that I am all action today, I will update this post regularly, so that you can keep track of whether I am fulfilling my promise to end procrastination. Stay tuned (or keep hitting refresh) for the latest news:

6:15am - I wake up at this time every day. Although the alarm is not on, I still wake up at this time today. Today is my day of action. I roll over and go back to sleep.

8:05am - I get up. Check emails, check blogs. Open a coke. Have a cigarette. Go back to bed and wake Maria up. As this is a day of action I get out handcuffs, chains, wiffle bat, and run (run!) back to the fridge for the whipped cream and a stick of celery! (is this T.M.I.? It was the stick of celery that pushed this over the edge wasn't it? Hey, at least I didn't mention the radish! Oops, too late.)

8:57am - get up again. Check blogs. Leave comment on j.a.'s blog. Surf internet.

9:23am - go for shower.

9:34am - still going for a shower.

9:49am - am out of shower and dressed. Whilst in shower I got the joke in j.a.'s comment: In the list of things to procrastinate about, "get a haircut" is at least in the top 5. I will list the rest later. This is, of course, after I had started to, mentally, draw up my own list.

9:57am - run (run!) round house collecting keys, wallet, phone. We have to pick the kids up at ten and they live three minutes away! I will be on time.

10:02am - pick up kids and explain to them that we are having an action day.

10:23am - arrive at Starbucks. Order a power drink!! Full of vitamins, and minerals, and water gathered from the thighs of Cuban virgins (who have been left out overnight to let the dew settle on their thighs - I hope?). Sorry Vanessa, I did not bring the computer - this is family time! And, because I am being all action, I need to turn the time into quality rather than quantity.

11:17am - leave Starbucks. Go back into Starbucks to use the facilities - I don't know much about Cuban virgins but I think their thighs excrete some sort of diuretic??

11:23am - leave Starbucks with empty bladder.

11:31am - enter Blockbusters.

11:42am - start throwing DVDs at Nikos. I love the boy but, sometimes, he's like Maria in a shoe shop - the shoes in the other aisle are always more pretty than the pair in her hands, the ones on her feet, and the other two boxes she has in front of her.

11:45am - leave Blockbusters.

12:02pm - arrive at supermarket.

12:07pm - still wandering around aimlessly! This is supposed to be an action day! Hit upon idea of, instead of wandering around, thinking what we need, systematically go up and down every aisle, filling cart with one of everything!

12:27pm - bill for shopping comes to 987 pesos??? That can't be right!!!

12:29pm - get out of supermarket car park! Don't these people have anything better to do on a Saturday, other than go shopping? Don't they realise they are holding up a man of action????

12:38pm - unpack shopping. Realise that we forgot to get the things we went for. How the heck can you forget bacon??????

12:42pm - update blog (doing that now!!!)

12:52pm - hit publish and then will get out all my books and start writing my exams.

12:53pm - realise that I forgot to get a haircut. Kids are now watching DVDs and don't want to go out. I need to start my exams. Probably won't get haircut today.

1:36pm - will start to write exams soon. Just surfing at the moment - but it is action surfing.

1:55pm - have opened Word on the computer! Am a lot nearer to writing my exams.

2:33pm - opening Word was a bad plan. The computer froze. It might have had something to do with the fact that I was doing too many things with the computer - foolish me! Computer had to be re-set. It was my intention to open no more windows, just Word and work on my exams. However, Maria has just posted. So, I'll have to go read that first. But will get to my exams soon!!!

2:59pm - did you know that you could buy second hand books from Barnes and Noble? I got a gift voucher for my birthday and now, instead of buying two/three books, I can probably get a load more. Now, I need to sit down and write a list of books I want. Hang on, there is a funny smell in the flat??? Damn, it appears I was supposed to be watching the beans. I don't think they are burnt but Maria is a bit grumpy with me. I told her I was concentrating on the computer...true, it wasn't my exams, it was shopping! However, I'd better open Word and get on with the exams NOW!

3:20pm - have written half an exam. However, have been worrying about my failure to detect the boiling beans. Am now boiling eggs to make my egg salad. Will need to chop up an onion and fine cut some coriander (cilantro). This will take me away from the computer...but I am doing something! I am not avoiding writing exams. Honestly.

3:23pm - run out of gas. Can't boil eggs. Will need to hang about on the balcony waiting for the gasman to drive past. I know, I know. It might look as if I'm just sat on the balcony, reading, but I am doing something. I'm waiting for the gasman!

3:47pm - gasman has been. Have lit the boiler and set the eggs to boil (again). Need to chop some food and wash out the glass I am growing my avocado in.

4:04pm - finished sixth grade maths exam!! Decided I was procrastinating, didn't chop food, didn't wash avocado glass, wrote exam instead! I am a man of action!!!

4:46pm - transferred water from huge bottles into smaller bottles. Bit of a disaster with the eggs - might have forgotten they were boiling? There was still water left in the pan though, so they should be alright. Not that I've been avoiding the fifth grade maths exam but, up on acuerdate de acapulco there is a post in English. This is good news, as Maria is asleep in front of the tele - the kids are watching a film about a tooth mouse (no tooth fairy in Mexico, it's a mouse!) [and no IMDB link for El Raton de los Dientes either] - and so couldn't translate for me. The better news is that she's asleep and doesn't know I'm reading blogs, instead of writing exams!

5:36pm - have written the fifth grade exam. It is not a nice exam (sorry) it is full of questions about circles, which means π. The thing about teaching π, is that it is pronounced "pie" in England, which means loads of awful jokes for the maths teacher to make!

Apple Pie - do you get it? Genius, I'll be here all week. Unfortunately, π is pronounced "pea" in Mexico - and there are no jokes that I am doing about a word that sounds like "pee". Hard enough talking about a Wii!! Anyhoo, onward and upward! It is time for this man of action to make his egg salad!!

5:41 - three legged cat had a haircut today! She is a woman of action!! I feel like a failure. Maybe I should go lie down?

6:05 - just realised that I haven't eaten today! Am going to make the egg salad, open some ritz crackers, and dip away. Might also slice up some saussies and coat them in lemon and chili powder. While I am eating I will go watch some tele - probably an episode (or two) of Chuck. Also realised that I haven't said (on here) congratulations to Croila! Congratulations on your fantastic news!!

6:15pm - aaarrrggghhh. Didn't buy Lea and Perrins, didn't buy any dijon mustard. And now Maria feels ill :^( Not because we didn't buy the correct stuff - she just feels ill. I'll go sit with her for a bit.

8:15pm - still sitting with Maria. She is still feeling ill. I can't leave her. Much as I want to write the English exam, I have to think about her feelings. Plus, I'm in the middle of watching something. Gotta go!

10:28pm - time for bed. The kids have to go to bed, which means we have to retire to our bedroom. Not sure how successful this day has been - I've written two exams out of three but I didn't get a haircut. Good night.

Comments

[Blue Witch]

Aren't you bored yet? ;)

[will]

I have to write three exams today - two maths, one english. I should get a haircut. I should start learning all I have to learn for my driving test. I haven't read a page of my book in a week. There is so much other stuff that I should be doing...and I will do it! Because I am Action Will.

However, I just need to write this comment, update my blog, and go out for coffee. But, you'll see...things will be done.

[Vanessa]

hey Action Will, how come you can't blog from Starbucks? It's an hour or two since the last update.

[Stupid Vanessa]

Ok Action Will, now i read the other post, I understand what an Acion Will is. Oops.

[J.A.S.]

Got you with that one!! Actually it was not prepared that way, I was about to list the top 5; but some of them are not nice. So I cut the comment short; and then, inspiration. Changed the last phrase and it was perfect.

I am hesitant between going to my business or hitting the refresh button every 5 minutes; you are evil!!

[maria bonita]

I really fancy that egg salad, too bad I can not have it right now. But you did a lot more than I was planning to do myself. Congratulations, you are indeed a man of action!!

[Blue Witch]

I often have moments of clarity where things fall into place in the shower too.

Hope you get the English exam done before Monday morning.

Oh - and - you'll be in trouble for disclosing the contents of the maths exam... equal opps and all that. Oh, sily me, you're in Mexico, I doubt they've heard of them? ;)

[Three-Legged-Cat]

I may have managed a haircut, but I have completed zero work-related tasks out of the three that I had to complete this weekend. It's going to be a busy afternoon, avoiding all three...

[will]

vanessa - I couldn't blog from starbucks because I was being an action step-father. Also (in a way that isn't ironic), the starbucks I was at was having problem with its password system? I assume that was why the guy with his laptop was getting more and more frustrated - or maybe it was the triple espresso he was drinking - as he was demanding all of starbucks passwords??

j.a.s. - never reveal your secrets! Instead, just learn to bask in the assumptions of everyone else. That way you can fool people into thinking you are far more clever/witty than you might be. It's worked for me! (damn, did I just reveal my secret?)

maria bonita - but it is (was) a Saturday, and therefore a day of rest (mazel-tof)! And the egg salad was ok-ish...needed more dijon and L&P.

blue witch - if it works for Archimedes, then it works for me! I think, though, a shower is more conducive for getting things to fall into place than a bath. In the bath I spend too much time worrying that the floating candles will set my (six) chest hairs on fire!
The English exam will be done by Monday - actually, they have to be done by Tuesday. But, although I am a self-confessed procrastinator, I only put off things that aren't really that important. My job earns me money, with money I can eat, I do my job. It's the basic tenant of professionalism.
And, don't worry, I won't get into trouble. We have exams every month, based on the work done that month. As we have spent a whole month studying circumference/area of circles and volume of cylinders, it is obvious that the exam will include π at some point. Plus, I also send home a study guide, to all the children. So, the information is available to non-blog readers too!

three-legged-cat - I hate Sunday evenings. It is like Monday comes early! Having to do all that stuff that you brought home Friday night, left on the dining room table, ignored while you opened a bottle of wine, forgot to do Saturday, remembered again on Sunday when you clear the table to sit down and eat, settle down to do after watching "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade". ([Did you see what I did there? I checked what was showing on the Beeb tonight :^)]

[Croila]

How do you do it? How on EARTH do you manage to write so much?! And it's not even remotely boring! *gnashes teeth with envy*

But thank you for the congratulations, again, it's much appreciated :-D