I've found my home

watering the lemon tree

all the cool kids are doing it

The mighty Alan has posted a video view of his allotment! Go watch it...I'll wait.

Anyhoo, the bestest thing about Alan's video is that Maria now no longer thinks that I am weird (actually, she still thinks I am weird but I have come down a couple of points in her weird-o-meter). Maria has never come to terms with my desire to grow things. She reads other people's blogs and just doesn't get the idea that people plant stuff and grow stuff. Obviously she has been following Alan's story: his bidding for an allotment; time on the waiting list; aquiring the allotment; having to dig it over; the arrival of the wheelbarrow. However, no matter how many times I have tried to explain what an allotment is, she still hasn't got it.

Until today! Now she can see Alan's allotment. Now she can see where he's had to dig it over. Now she can see the neighbour's plot (and his shed). And she can hear the pride/joy in Alan's voice as he shows you his runner bean wigwam, the aubergines, and the two cucumber plants (all freshly watered).

Thanks to Alan's video of his allotment, I am released from teasing about one of my eccentricities (although I think she will still tease me!).

However, if all the cool kids are doing it then, far be it from me not to. Can I present:

Will's tour of his allotment (well, one dead plant, two lemon trees, and an avocado that will not grow!)

Wow! May you live in interesting times indeed. I've had difficulty uploading the video. Typepad sucks! So, instead, I've ended up at Google and...that's not worked either. Bugger! Am going to give youtube a go now...well, you be the judge of my success or failure :^)

Ooo, for those of you interested in seeing new things attempted - at the moment Maria is writing blog posts by writing! Who'd have thunked it, eh? Those kids and their wacky ideas!!!

For those of you who don't want to download this cinematic masterpiece (although I wonder why not?), could I also mention that you never get to see me on camera - but you do get to see the luvverly Maria, two kids, and the balcony!

speed blogging VI

[deep breath] I haven't done one of these for over a year, but I just don't have time to write, I'm having a life, and I realise that I've posted recently, but stuff has happened, and I want to mention it before I forget, and (let's face it) the day that Alan is a more prolific blogger than you then you're doing something wrong, and I've got a couple of minutes, so I thought I'd throw out a couple of ideas, it's not much of a blog post, but, hey, it's something for you to read. [and relax]

Sunday

Got up early, we needed to cross the border because we were going to see the Indiana Jones film. Got straight across the border in under five minutes. Which meant that we were in the States at 8am with nothing open.  Went to Mission Valley and sat in Ruby's Diner. Ate a stack of pancakes and kept refilling a diet coke for a couple of hours, then hit the shops.

I don't know if it is because I am old, or because I hate spending money on me - but $150 dollars for a pair of trainers seemed a bit steep to me. No matter that they are sex on a stick, no matter that my knees are giving me a hard time, no matter that I look damn cool in them - they were $150!! However, I lost the argument, Maria got them for me, and I sat outside the shop and put them on! This was a good idea because by the end of the day I had (according to my funky new phone) walked 9.8km.

We went from shop to shop, moved to another mall (Chula Vista small world), and by 2pm I was weighed down with bags. I was the proud owner of (working up my body): a pair of trainers; three pairs of socks; two pairs of jeans; a pair of trousers; six pairs of underpants; two t-shirts; one shirt; and a hat. The hat is brilliant! Actually, everything is brilliant, but I really like my hat!! The only thing I didn't have was money in my wallet. We couldn't go to see the film!

Back across the border in time to see the mighty Santos play in the semi-finals. 0-0 at half time. The Monterrey goalkeeper was having an amazing game (bastard!). Ten minutes into the second half, Monterrey scored. Thirty minutes into the second half, they scored again. In theory it was all over. Maria was sat, head in pillow, crying. And then, with only five minutes left, the god-like Vuoso pulled a goal back. Could they score another in the last five minutes?....No! But the referee (who had an awful game) signalled an extra five minutes of play. Three minutes in and Arce (a player I loathed with a passion) smacks the ball in the back of the net! All over 2-2. And because we had a higher league position, the mighty Santos Laguna rolled on towards the final!! There was much singing and dancing in our house that night!

Monday

I really don't want to write about work. Suffice to say, it wasn't a great day. Don't get me wrong - students were fine, lessons went well. However, there are days that I would enjoy so much more if some of my colleagues either (a) didn't turn up for work or (2) tried thinking as a new hobby.

Maria picked me up from school. Back home to change (all new clothes and a great hat). Over the border in under three minutes. Ignored all the shops and went to the cinema to see Indiana Jones - at last. Great film and good fun. We tried to go shopping again - this time for trainers and jeans for Maria - but, somehow, that shopping magic had left us. We couldn't find anything that appealed. Ended up in the Outback restaurant (again), and, yes (s)wine, Bukowski was right, every five minutes the waiter asked how we were doing!

Tuesday

I really don't want to write about work. Suffice to say, it wasn't a great day. Don't get me wrong - students were fine, lessons went well. However, there are days that I would enjoy so much more if some of my colleagues either (a) didn't turn up for work or (2) tried thinking as a new hobby.

After Maria picked me up from work we went to Costco. Back home I got a bit snappy with Maria. I was tired. It had been a long (annoying/frustrating) day at work, it has been an action packed five (or so) days, and I was grumpy. I didn't realise I was grumpy, but I was grumpy. It was time for a power-nap! Forty minutes with my eyes shut and everything is alright with the world.

Out on the balcony I have new lemon trees seedlings appearing through my pot of soil. At the moment I can count three!! (which, considering I planted 12 pips, I can't work out is a good ratio or not - or maybe there are more to come). My avocado seed is splitting, so that looks like it is also growing - yay me!

And I suppose I should spend some time on the t'internet - reading blogs, posting comments, writing emails. Except, I was grumpy with Maria earlier, so I'll go and sit with her instead. Bye!

not the best gardener in the world

Blue Witch asks:

Talking of lemon halves, how are those lemon pips you were growing doing?

Way back in August I tried to grow a lemon tree. At first I tried to get the seeds to germinate on a piece of cotton. That proved to a totalfailure. I then went for the "planting the seeds in a pot" method, which turned into a success. However, this was late October, not the best time to start growing things north of the equator. Sure enough, winter arrived and the seedlings (is that the technical term) started to suffer. The wonderful Maria made a little greenhouse, to sit over them, out of CD cases but it was not enough.

Now that spring has arrived, and I can put the pot back on the balcony (still bringing it in a night), it was time for some culling. I pulled up the sickliest looking plants - although two deceived me by having exceptionally long roots - leaving just the two healthiest stalks.

Unfortunately something has got to them. The single, remaining leaves have been eaten. They both have, at least, four holes in them. I have taken to spraying them with something but am worried that it might be too late. Realising that, as it is Spring, this might be the best time to plant, I have also sneaked a couple (six) more lemon pips into the pot. We shall see how this goes.

I think it is probably time to have another go at growing an avocado stone (pit?) as well. Hmmm, must have guacamole this weekend!

sometimes it's the little things in life

It amazes me, often, that I can totally ignore the fantastic things that happen in my life and end up concentrating on the shit things. I can get in the car, at the end of a working day, and rant for the whole journey home. I rant on and on about one event (or maybe two) until we finally get into the flat and I drop my backpack and take Maria in my arms. We kiss and then she apologises - apologises that I've had a shit day and apologises that it is her fault that it happened. It is her fault that I am miles from the place of my birth, working in a school that has caused my annoyance, doing this job.

It is at moments like this that the camera (that is permanently filming my life - isn't there one filming everyone's life?) pulls back in that jagged way. Not a smooth pull back, one that jumps from my face to the girl in my arms to the flat I live in to the city I live in to the country I am now in to the world on which I reside. Each time the camera freezes during its pull back a voice in my head starts to list off the reasons I should be happy - the girl in my arms, the life I lead, the lives others lead. I guess what I'm trying to say is (according to my mother): I should count my blessings.

In my previous life, on a previous blog, I had a tag-line: The glass ain't half full, it ain't half empty, I ordered a cheeseburger. In hindsight (and hindsight is always 20-20) I now know that I was saying that this wasn't the life I had ordered. I wasn't optimistic not pessimistic about the life I was leading because it wasn't the life I honestly wanted. Now I have the life I want. I have made the hard decisions, torn up one (two) families, moved to the other side of the planet. This is my life. No longer can I complain about the quality (or the quantity). It shouldn't be a conversation about "half full/half empty", this is what I ordered - it is perfect.

But there is something in human nature to complain. Maybe it is a stress release thing. Maybe the only way that I can appreciate the fantastic life I have is to make mountains out of molehills. Maybe the only way that I can appreciate the day I have had at school is to make the one bad moment bigger, so that when I sit and think back, I realise that there were so many better things. Perhaps the key word is perspective. 

[This might seem like a tangent, but bear with me] I am really happy that I have started smoking again. I know, I know, no-one is happy that I have started smoking again. But smoking works in my life. I'm not a stupid man, there are moments I like to think that I am quite clever. I have certain skills and abilities that make me stand out from others - true I have certain crapnesses and inabilities that make me stand out from others as well. One of those skills I have is the ability to problem solve, arrive at a logical conclusion. I can disseminate information quickly, follow routes and paths that extrapolate, come to end results. Some times this ability scares me - as people present information I can drive it to a conclusion and then tell them the outcome. They don't believe me and we end up in an argument. I have found that a cigarette helps me not getting beaten to a pulp. How? you ask. I have found that if you immediately tell someone something, and I mean instantly, they don't appreciate it, they don't think you have taken long enough to think it through. However, listen to someone, pause, light up a cigarette, inhale, exhale, then tell them your thoughts and they are more receptive.

Oddly this works not just with other people, it also works with me. No matter how pissed off with life I might think I am, step out on to the balcony, light up a cigarette, inhale, exhale and suddenly everything comes back into perspective. It's not yoga, it's not zen, it's not karma - it is smoking a cigarette.

Now, I realise that I should not be writing a blog posting telling people that smoking is a good thing - hell I have probably pissed off several of my readers (yes, I know that some of you are vehemently anti-smoking) but now I'm going to go off on a different track.

Recently I have been attempting to grow a lemon tree. I tried lemon seeds on a piece of cotton wool and that failed. However, thanks to a tip from Blue Witch, I then tried planting some seeds in a pot of soil. I put 10 lemon pips in a pot of soil and stuck the pot out on my balcony. At some point in the afternoon I go out on the balcony and smoke a cigarette. This gives me the time to: stop; think; reorganise my life; get some perspective. As I sit there I look at the pot of soil.

Every day there is something more to look at. Those 10 seeds (somehow, don't ask) have produced 14 shoots - I have 14 little lemon trees growing. Each day they are bigger, each day it is easier to count them. And each day I feel like I have accomplished something. I never understood the satisfaction that gardeners got from growing things - and, to tell the honest, I don't think I am advocating growing a garden. But what I am advocating is growing something. I suddenly have an immense sense of satisfaction, of achievement, just from sticking some seeds in a pot of soil. I want to plant a bean and grow a bean stalk. I want to grow sunflowers. Hell, I might even start growing cress - just because it grows. I don't want a garden, I don't want all the hard work. I don't want to spend hours doing this and that. What I want is to see results. Those results bring everything into perspective. How shit was today? Not bad enough if to kill my lemon trees!No matter what happened today those shoots have grown.

Obviously, there will come a time when their growth slows down and I can't notice it anymore. I might move on to something else or I might just light up another cigarette. But, for now, growing lemon trees has made me appreciate my life more. This I find strange - so I thought I'd share it with you.

Sometimes it is the little things in life that make a big difference.

it's not lima, it's limón

I know many of you (at least both of you) have been having sleepless nights wondering about the success of my green fingers. Unfortunately, I haven't. So much so that I hadn't actually looked at my pot of soil for at least a week.

And then my pocket vibrated.

I'm in the middle of teaching writing algebraic expressions, you know, translating english sentences into mathematical linguistics. A tough enough topic to teach to native english speakers, but nigh on impossible to teach to children who don't understand the meaning of the words increase/decrease/difference/add. And then my pocket vibrated. With that presence of mind that only a teacher possesses, I fixed my class with a steely gaze and informed them that they should: "look, just stop asking questions, shut up, and get on with it!"

With the class distracted by this informative statement, I drifted to the back of the room and surreptitiously opened my mobile, opened my inbox, read the text.

have you looked at your lemon tree recently?

a nation of gardeners

I hate gardening. As a child the garden was a chore. Mowing it took four hours, dead-heading the daffodils was another all day task, collecting buckets of stones was a punishment task that my father invented. As I toiled away the hours I promised myself that I would never have a garden when I grew up.

Of course, as is the way of many things you promise never to do as child (get a job, drive long distances that mean that you are never there yet, or kiss a girly [yuch!]), I ended up with a garden. However I hated it. Hated it with a passion. I could never find the joy in mowing, never liked weeding, never liked anything that involved a garden. Hated it.

For some obscure reason, a reason that escapes me totally, I have become interested in growing things. True, up until yesterday, it was only an avocado. However, after several discussions with Maria I have decided to launch my next adventure! I am going to try to grow a lemon tree. Of course, when I say lemon tree I actually mean (to my English readers) a lime tree.

Maria assures me that you can grow a lemon tree from a lemon seed. I totally and utterly believe her - why should she lie to me? So yesterday I cut three lemons in half, squeezed them out and rescued the seeds. I now have ten seeds sat on a cotton swab, in a saucer of water. These will grow and then I will plant the best looking three into a pot of soil. The intention is to grow three lemon trees that are braided around each other.

As usual you will be kept informed of my progress!