I've found my home

an apology

I can't post. Tried to start three different posts and failed miserably. Can't get the sentences to join. Can't get an idea to flow. Can't express what I want.

I'm going to blame fatigue. The academic year finished yesterday. Last week was a long wind down from the Lion King, through graduation, academic post mortems, to a last day meeting. Last night I had a very enjoyable evening out in the company of friends - five hours that felt like one. Physically I just want to sleep, mentally I need to detox. Writing posts seems impossible.

Have read Housekeeping vs The Dirt (excellent) and Lucifer:Crux (so-so). Dipped into Engulfed in Flames (luvverly and funny). Tearing my way through The Yiddish Policeman's Union (genius).

Listening to the new Coldplay album (learning to love it) and rocking away to the new Weezer album (brilliant).

Seen WALL-E (fantastic) and Wanted (awful).

Worrying about the finalists of Hell's Kitchen and So You Think You Can Dance (I have become this shallow).

Started a new diet in order to control my IBS which has flared up again.

But most of all I need to sleep. I need to rest. I just don't have the words.

I am still alive, still happy, still madly in love, still in Mexico.

Regular service will be returned once I've recharged.

the incredible hulk

I stopped reading comics at the age of 13. Up until that point my comics had always been delivered to the house with the Saturday morning newspaper. However, at the age of 13 I convinced my mother to give me the money to buy the comics myself, rather than have them delivered. Of course, once I had the actual money in my hand I didn't spend it on comics. I was 13! I spent the money of cigarettes and beer - ah, the joys of being 13 and living in England, where it is almost compulsory to start smoking and drinking the second you hit puberty. Although, now I think about it I was a late developer. I hit puberty at the age of 12!

Anyhoo, I stopped reading comics at the age of 13. It wasn't until I was 28/29, stood in a WHSmiths, flicking through the magazine rack, that I came across a copy of The Incredible Hulk. The reason that it caught my eye was because The Hulk, as pictured on the front cover, was grey. A flick through the magazine revealed that not only was he no longer green, he also talked. Talked in complete, cognitive sentences, as opposed to: "Hulk Smash!" I bought a copy. I read it and was intrigued. I visited a local comic shop and bought some back issues. I discovered that the Hulk had moved on from when I was a thirteen year old. I had arrived in the middle of Peter David's ten year run (over 100+ issues)  as the writer on The Incredible Hulk, and I fell in love with his writing, and the direction in which he was taking the character. I was hooked. My love of The Hulk led to me returning to comics, returning in a way that (at the height of my addiction) resulted in an 80 British Pound Sterling ($150) a month habit. True, there was a lot of dross in my monthly parcel but there were the few nuggets of pure gold. The Incredible Hulk (while Peter David remained at the helm) was perfect.

And yet, I never went to see the Ang Lee film: Hulk when it came out. I knew I wouldn't like it. I knew that it wouldn't come close to touching the magic that I found in the comics. The year before I had seen the first Spider-Man film, a film that had made tears of joy and wonder roll down my cheeks (the moment when he first climbs the wall). I knew that the same feelings wouldn't happen in Hulk. And I still haven't seen it. And (to over use the word and) I have no intention of ever seeing it; I haven't heard a good word about it, the clips I have seen make me shudder, the CGI looks awful.

So, there is a new Incredible Hulk film out (you may have heard the hype), do you think I'd go and see it? Hey, remember how I felt about Iron Man. Even with the love of Maria's life Robert Downey in the title role they couldn't make the film enjoyable. Obviously there was no way that I was going to go see The Incredible Hulk. No way. Nuh-huh. No way, Jose!

So, I went to see The Incredible Hulk and you know what? It isn't bad! It isn't fantastic, brilliant, hulktastic - but, more to the point, it really isn't that bad. In fact, it is quite good. Definitely worth the price of admission! The main problem that I have with the film is the fact that it needed to make money, it needed to appeal to the masses. At it's core, the way that Peter David dealt with the Hulk, is a very complex story. Once you strip away the whole "Hulk Smash" ethos you have the story of a man dealing with his inner demons. A man who sets himself adrift from his loved ones, alone, desperately trying to find a cure that will enable him to re-enter society. The first half of the film deals with this story and Ed Norton plays it wonderfully. The problem is that Ed Norton can only play the Bruce Banner role, the role of the Hulk falls to CGI. And no matter what the advancements are with computer graphics, at this moment, they cannot make me care enough about about, what is basically, an inanimate object. (That isn't totally true. I can cry during Lilo and Stitch and Nemo but that has probably something more to do with the loss of family/my father than the actual characters.) The main problem with The Incredible Hulk is Tim Roth, or to be more precise, Tim Roth's character. Tim Roth is a great actor! I love and adore him. But he would be somewhere near the last person on my list to play a crack SAS/Marine/Super Soldier type person. He can do psychotic, he can do nasty, he can do weird, he can do frightening, but he can't do "Britain's elite soldier". The final act of the film is just a big beat 'em up scene that left me cold.

However, I'm glad I saw it. I didn't feel that my money was wasted (how the fuck did I pay twice to go see Iron Man?) and I am actually looking forward to seeing what they do with a second film - if they make one...there were enough dropped hints and openings for a possible sequel.

On the whole a 7 out of 10. Although, a verbal report (rather than a mathematical score) would have to read: not as bad as I thought it would be. And that can't be a great recommendation, can it? 

the strangers

I hate horror movies. Sorry, but they are a genre that I just don't enjoy (and no, I don't understand why I'm apologising either).

Friday night, we decided, was a last night of freedom - we had the kids on Saturday, Sunday was nekkid Sunday, we had the kids for the rest of the week plus weekend. This was our last night of freedom for the foreseeable future. So, we headed across the border and decided to take in a film.

Decisions, decisions. Kung Fu Panda or Enter the Zohan. Neither! Which left...not a lot else. However, Maria had read a review of The Strangers. A review that told her it was a proper horror film. Not a slasher movie, a film with good characterisation, a good plot, good acting. A film where you cared about the characters - they didn't just get killed because they had disappeared down the cellar to have sex. But (big butt coming here), Maria has a past history with recommending films to me - or so she thinks. Whenever we see a bad film she takes it personally. She feels that it is her fault. Spider-Man 3 - her fault. Ratatouille - her fault. Iron Man - her fault. In reality, it doesn't take much to realise that the viewing of Spider-Man and Iron Man were my fault. The blame for Ratatouille can be passed to her kids. Actually, Maria's streak for picking good films is excellent.

So, we went to see The Strangers. A horror film. Did I mention that I don't like horror films?

And once again, Maria dragged me (screaming and kicking) into a film that I really enjoyed. True, it was a horror story but it wasn't a slasher movie. The way the story unfolded was well done. The actors (Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman) gave credible performances. All in all it was a couple of hours well spent. I became involved, I became annoyed, I became frightened. There weren't too many of the jump-out-from-behind-the-scenery moments - in fact, which turned out to be even more scary, the protagonists slowly hovered into view and then disappeared, often without the main characters realising that they were there.

If you want to spend two hours on the edge of your seat, followed by four hours wandering round your flat, re-checking all your locks, this is a good film!

as the big J didn't say

Blessed are the meek geeks, for they shall inherit the earth.

We come out of Iron Man and Maria is ranting, ranting about this, that, the other and specifically ranting about "that old bloke - you know, the one in the cave with (the gorgeous)* Robert Downey at the beginning. WTF was that all about? It was so wrong, so very wrong, so unbelievably wrong! What were they thinking?" So, I told her. I told her how, unlike most super heroes, Iron Man didn't particularly have that driving force to do good - you know, like a dead mum/dad/planet/uncle - all he had was shrapnel in his heart. What he needed was a conscience. The old man was supposed to be his Jiminy Cricket. This then led to a fifteen minute lecture on Iron Man's history, his problems with alcohol, his problems with Jim Rhodes, his problems with The Armour Wars, his problems with super hero registration, his problems with erectile dysfunction (I made the last one up - but I want Maria to associate erectile dysfunction with Robert Downey...I can be that bitter).

At the end of my fifteen minute expose on the life and times of Iron Man, Maria commented that she didn't know I read Iron Man, was such a fan. I replied, I don't, I'm not. I'm a geek.

Say it loud, say it proud: I'm a geek!

For many years this was not a good thing to be, not a title that I would wear proudly. However, as much as I hate Vista, it is probably time to thank Bill Gates for allowing people like me to come out of our closet. You see, as much as Mr. Gates was probably the person "most likely to be smacked around at school", he has become a shining knight, an answer to all those put downs that geeks receive. Obviously no-one really wants to grow up a nerd**, but geeks are a whole different breed. Geeks can be cool. Geeks can get girls. And then there is the whole Trivial Pursuit phenomenon.

At first, when Trivial Pursuit hit the market, random knowledge wasn't that important. But, somehow, Trivial Pursuit built a totally different subculture that went onto to pervade the rest of society. Don't believe me? Think back to the early 1980s. A time before pub quizzes, a time before quiz shows with million pound prizes, a time when Ann Robinson was just an annoying git (oh, hang on, she still is!). However, the point I am trying to make (yes there is one), is that knowledge is good. Knowing stuff is cool. And it isn't knowing the intellectual stuff, it is knowing the pop culture stuff.

And then, yesterday, I heard the best news ever. While surfing through 100 television channels (and there was nothing on), I landed at VH1, where they were showing a clip. 'Twas Bow Wow Wow singing "I Want Candy". For no particular reason, I announced out loud:

You know, Bow Wow Wow are made up from the backing band for Adam and the Ants. Malcolm McLaren, once he'd lost The Sex Pistols, was brought in to help Adam and the Ants. His advice to the group was to ditch their lead singer, Adam Ant. He then took all the musicians, added a 14 year old girl that he'd found in a laundrette, and thus you have Bow Wow Wow. Of course, Adam Ant also went on to become a huge star in the UK. With a new band.

At that point, I turned and looked at Maria. There was a big grin on her face. Her eyes were shining. She told me that she loved me. I asked why? Thinking it might be my incredible charm, my good looks, my sexy hat that was perched jauntily (exceedingly jauntily) on my head. No, she informed me. It was none of those things.

It's because you don't have Alzheimer's.

It appears that a knowledge of trivial facts, the ability to recall those facts, is a good sign that I don't have Alzheimer's. You see, being a geek is a good thing. All that stuff packed inside my head is what is keeping me sane! One day, I will inherit the earth.

Of course, I'm not sure that I have got my head around the fact that Maria thinks I am a candidate for Alzheimer's. Is it 'cos I is old????

*she might not have actually said the gorgeous but it was implied - or inferred. Nope, think it was implied!!

**let's be totally clear about this. There is a world of difference between geeks and nerds. I am not a nerd!

speed blogging VI

[deep breath] I haven't done one of these for over a year, but I just don't have time to write, I'm having a life, and I realise that I've posted recently, but stuff has happened, and I want to mention it before I forget, and (let's face it) the day that Alan is a more prolific blogger than you then you're doing something wrong, and I've got a couple of minutes, so I thought I'd throw out a couple of ideas, it's not much of a blog post, but, hey, it's something for you to read. [and relax]

Sunday

Got up early, we needed to cross the border because we were going to see the Indiana Jones film. Got straight across the border in under five minutes. Which meant that we were in the States at 8am with nothing open.  Went to Mission Valley and sat in Ruby's Diner. Ate a stack of pancakes and kept refilling a diet coke for a couple of hours, then hit the shops.

I don't know if it is because I am old, or because I hate spending money on me - but $150 dollars for a pair of trainers seemed a bit steep to me. No matter that they are sex on a stick, no matter that my knees are giving me a hard time, no matter that I look damn cool in them - they were $150!! However, I lost the argument, Maria got them for me, and I sat outside the shop and put them on! This was a good idea because by the end of the day I had (according to my funky new phone) walked 9.8km.

We went from shop to shop, moved to another mall (Chula Vista small world), and by 2pm I was weighed down with bags. I was the proud owner of (working up my body): a pair of trainers; three pairs of socks; two pairs of jeans; a pair of trousers; six pairs of underpants; two t-shirts; one shirt; and a hat. The hat is brilliant! Actually, everything is brilliant, but I really like my hat!! The only thing I didn't have was money in my wallet. We couldn't go to see the film!

Back across the border in time to see the mighty Santos play in the semi-finals. 0-0 at half time. The Monterrey goalkeeper was having an amazing game (bastard!). Ten minutes into the second half, Monterrey scored. Thirty minutes into the second half, they scored again. In theory it was all over. Maria was sat, head in pillow, crying. And then, with only five minutes left, the god-like Vuoso pulled a goal back. Could they score another in the last five minutes?....No! But the referee (who had an awful game) signalled an extra five minutes of play. Three minutes in and Arce (a player I loathed with a passion) smacks the ball in the back of the net! All over 2-2. And because we had a higher league position, the mighty Santos Laguna rolled on towards the final!! There was much singing and dancing in our house that night!

Monday

I really don't want to write about work. Suffice to say, it wasn't a great day. Don't get me wrong - students were fine, lessons went well. However, there are days that I would enjoy so much more if some of my colleagues either (a) didn't turn up for work or (2) tried thinking as a new hobby.

Maria picked me up from school. Back home to change (all new clothes and a great hat). Over the border in under three minutes. Ignored all the shops and went to the cinema to see Indiana Jones - at last. Great film and good fun. We tried to go shopping again - this time for trainers and jeans for Maria - but, somehow, that shopping magic had left us. We couldn't find anything that appealed. Ended up in the Outback restaurant (again), and, yes (s)wine, Bukowski was right, every five minutes the waiter asked how we were doing!

Tuesday

I really don't want to write about work. Suffice to say, it wasn't a great day. Don't get me wrong - students were fine, lessons went well. However, there are days that I would enjoy so much more if some of my colleagues either (a) didn't turn up for work or (2) tried thinking as a new hobby.

After Maria picked me up from work we went to Costco. Back home I got a bit snappy with Maria. I was tired. It had been a long (annoying/frustrating) day at work, it has been an action packed five (or so) days, and I was grumpy. I didn't realise I was grumpy, but I was grumpy. It was time for a power-nap! Forty minutes with my eyes shut and everything is alright with the world.

Out on the balcony I have new lemon trees seedlings appearing through my pot of soil. At the moment I can count three!! (which, considering I planted 12 pips, I can't work out is a good ratio or not - or maybe there are more to come). My avocado seed is splitting, so that looks like it is also growing - yay me!

And I suppose I should spend some time on the t'internet - reading blogs, posting comments, writing emails. Except, I was grumpy with Maria earlier, so I'll go and sit with her instead. Bye!

indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Glass Skull

It does exactly what it says on the tin. This is not high art. This is never going to win an Oscar. The story is convoluted. The plot is thin. There is nothing to discuss when you leave the cinema.

But when you leave, you leave with a smile on your face.

It is an Indiana Jones film, there is not much more to say. The acting is good. Harrison Ford (Maria's dad - she's absolutely positive about that!) knows the character well and plays him brilliantly. Cate Blanchett is a wonderful actress who does a mean Russian. Ray Winstone (he's the daddy!) can do no wrong for me and, in this film, there was the opportunity to do much wrong. The script for his character was awful but, somehow, he made it all seem plausible. Shia LeBoeuf is a revelation. He made Transformers enjoyable and he plays off the rest of the cast very well - especially considering that he is (probably) 40 years younger than all of them (except Ms. Blanchett). And I have no idea what John Hurt was doing, but he did it very well! Oh, and kudos go to Karen Allen as well!

It is just a fun movie. Hell, I even laughed at a "getting hit in the groin" joke which, for me, is unusual.

If you like Indiana Jones films - you'll love this. If you don't - what the hell are you doing in the cinema?

[Will that do you Alan?]

money burns holes in my pockets

It was a simple plan:

(1) go across border
(b) buy Lea and Perrins and dijon mustard
(III) see Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull

So simple that it couldn't go wrong. Except it did, round about point (b).

My mum always said that "money burns holes in my pockets" and, as mum's invariable are, she was correct. I've never been brilliant with money. Oh, I like to think that I'm a lot smarter than some people but I'm willing to admit that, if you lined up the population of the world in their ability with money, I'd just make the top half, just.

The theory is that you always send more than you earn, no matter how much you earn. This I have never done. I have always managed to stay in the black. But, in case you feel like tapping me up for a loan, I should point out that last month I was in the black by 40 pesos (just under $4, well under 2 British Pounds Sterling). The advantage of living in Mexico is that credit isn't readily available to me. What I earn is what I live on and I don't earn a tremendous amount. Of course, the other advantage of living in Mexico is that I don't need to earn a tremendous amount - the cost of living is a lot cheaper. Maria often says, the pound thinks it is a dollar. This statement is backed up by McDonalds. The 99c menu in the States is a 99p menu in England. In Mexico the peso doesn't think it is a dollar (it is nearer 10c) but it really does give it a go!

I am paid on the 15th and the 30th (31st) of each month. There are some days we make it to pay having eaten beans for two days, there are some pay days we arrive at with 1000 pesos still in the bank. Please note, I am not complaining. We live life exactly as we want to. We have both been married to people who are financially frugal. Both of us have suffered from living a life where we have had to argue for every penny we get. For me it was particularly irksome - however, it did mean that when I left England, I left everyone financial secure, mainly because all my money had been siphoned off into "rainy day accounts" that I had no access to. This means that neither of us like to exercise any kind of financial restraint on the other. And it is fairly good because neither of us wants to financially cripple the other one either. Every pay day there is a moment when we treat ourselves to something extra or we cover the cost of a repair. Basically, we live from pay check to pay check. Sometimes we sit around and talk of saving money but, somehow, we always end up in a bookstore/restaurant/IKEA and nothing comes of the talking. Money burns holes in my pockets.

As you know (and if you didn't - here's the reminder) I have taken on directing the acting in The Lion King, the school play. This I did willingly - and for willingly you can also read financially-unrewarded. I did ask for money (and felt rather embarrassed when I did) but was told that there wasn't any (and felt very relieved when informed). I did the job because, well because I enjoy it. I enjoy working with the children in a different way, I get job satisfaction (and yes, there are times, often 2am, when I have to chant that phrase to myself to remind me not to explode with stress). I also think that it helps with my relationship with the students, the school. There might not be any financial reward but there are certain other rewards that count for a lot more. On Tuesday I negotiated my contract. One of the weapons I intended to use was the fact I had directed the school play. As it turned out, I didn't need any weapons. In fact, the whole thing turned out so well that, much to my amazement, as part of the apology to (what they perceived as small - although it was more than I expected) my pay rise, I wasn't just given sincere thanks I was also given a financial thank you for what I had done with the play.

We suddenly had a lump of money. From nowhere. A chunk of money. What to do? What to do? What to do?

Obviously we decided to spend it!!

We decided to head over the border, Thursday night, and catch the opening of Indiana Jones, to celebrate, donchu'no. We took out money from the bank, changed pesos into dollars, laughed at how much we had exchanged - just to see a film -, crossed the border in under ten minutes (Maria took longer than me!), and set off...the money was already burning a hole.We didn't get to see the film.

We nipped into Target, for Lea&P, and foolishly we grabbed a trolley (cart). In a search for Lea&P we decided to go up and down every aisle. This was our second mistake. By the time we arrived at the condiments area the trolley was already full - I found cherry flavoured water, curry flavoured crisps, honey-roasted nuts at a reduced price, tins of Slim Jims - I went a bit mad. We went a bit mad. Both of us felt guilty. Both of us felt that we had overspent. And so, we came to the decision that it would be a good idea if the other spent some more of the money on themselves, to sort of compensate for the other's frivolity. It made sense to us at the time. Maria wanted me to go to Borders and try get a couple of TPBs. I wanted Maria to buy a pair of shoes. Both of us agreed that we would look - me at TPBs, her at shoes - but both of us were convinced we wouldn't find anything.

An hour and a half later we didn't have enough money to go to the cinema - it is a bit bad when you stand in line for the checkout, trying to work out the tax, in case you don't have enough money. (For those who have never shopped in the States, the price on the shelf isn't the price you pay - there is a sales tax added on at the till.)

But, never fear, we had the kids Friday night, we had a party to go to (children's) Saturday, there was no way we could spend more money before Sunday. And we didn't. Didn't spend any money on Friday - except for the visit to the supermarket and having to put petrol in the car. Apart from those expenses, we spent nothing.

The party Saturday would make sure that we spent nothing! Except we couldn't go to the party. It wasn't just a "turn up and party" party, it was actually a birthday/baptism/wedding party. Yeah, I know! Who decides to get married, and then include their kid's baptism, and their kid's birthday party, all in one? I mean, seriously, it meant that one of the guests at the wedding would have been me?? It makes no sense at all. However, the invitation was an RSVP, because the party was a "sit-down meal" type thing (it was a wedding!). Nikos's dad hadn't RSVPed. We couldn't go. We ended up at the book fair instead. We spent money. A lot of money. And I was more guilty than the other three! Yes, I bought a book in Spanish! A very expensive book. Toda Mafalda. It will help me learn Spanish!

Tomorrow is Sunday. We are going to try to see the Indiana Jones film. We will try but...but it is Memorial Day in the States. This seems to be a day for every shop to have a sale. And I need new trainers. We both need jeans. I need some underwear and socks. Maybe a couple of shirts. There are always new t-shirts to be had. There is this bookcase we have been looking at from IKEA.

Me thinks that if you come here on Monday, to read a review of Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, you might be out of luck. Money, it burns holes in my pockets.

the terrific tales of Action Will

This will be a "live" blogging event. To prove that I am all action today, I will update this post regularly, so that you can keep track of whether I am fulfilling my promise to end procrastination. Stay tuned (or keep hitting refresh) for the latest news:

6:15am - I wake up at this time every day. Although the alarm is not on, I still wake up at this time today. Today is my day of action. I roll over and go back to sleep.

8:05am - I get up. Check emails, check blogs. Open a coke. Have a cigarette. Go back to bed and wake Maria up. As this is a day of action I get out handcuffs, chains, wiffle bat, and run (run!) back to the fridge for the whipped cream and a stick of celery! (is this T.M.I.? It was the stick of celery that pushed this over the edge wasn't it? Hey, at least I didn't mention the radish! Oops, too late.)

8:57am - get up again. Check blogs. Leave comment on j.a.'s blog. Surf internet.

9:23am - go for shower.

9:34am - still going for a shower.

9:49am - am out of shower and dressed. Whilst in shower I got the joke in j.a.'s comment: In the list of things to procrastinate about, "get a haircut" is at least in the top 5. I will list the rest later. This is, of course, after I had started to, mentally, draw up my own list.

9:57am - run (run!) round house collecting keys, wallet, phone. We have to pick the kids up at ten and they live three minutes away! I will be on time.

10:02am - pick up kids and explain to them that we are having an action day.

10:23am - arrive at Starbucks. Order a power drink!! Full of vitamins, and minerals, and water gathered from the thighs of Cuban virgins (who have been left out overnight to let the dew settle on their thighs - I hope?). Sorry Vanessa, I did not bring the computer - this is family time! And, because I am being all action, I need to turn the time into quality rather than quantity.

11:17am - leave Starbucks. Go back into Starbucks to use the facilities - I don't know much about Cuban virgins but I think their thighs excrete some sort of diuretic??

11:23am - leave Starbucks with empty bladder.

11:31am - enter Blockbusters.

11:42am - start throwing DVDs at Nikos. I love the boy but, sometimes, he's like Maria in a shoe shop - the shoes in the other aisle are always more pretty than the pair in her hands, the ones on her feet, and the other two boxes she has in front of her.

11:45am - leave Blockbusters.

12:02pm - arrive at supermarket.

12:07pm - still wandering around aimlessly! This is supposed to be an action day! Hit upon idea of, instead of wandering around, thinking what we need, systematically go up and down every aisle, filling cart with one of everything!

12:27pm - bill for shopping comes to 987 pesos??? That can't be right!!!

12:29pm - get out of supermarket car park! Don't these people have anything better to do on a Saturday, other than go shopping? Don't they realise they are holding up a man of action????

12:38pm - unpack shopping. Realise that we forgot to get the things we went for. How the heck can you forget bacon??????

12:42pm - update blog (doing that now!!!)

12:52pm - hit publish and then will get out all my books and start writing my exams.

12:53pm - realise that I forgot to get a haircut. Kids are now watching DVDs and don't want to go out. I need to start my exams. Probably won't get haircut today.

1:36pm - will start to write exams soon. Just surfing at the moment - but it is action surfing.

1:55pm - have opened Word on the computer! Am a lot nearer to writing my exams.

2:33pm - opening Word was a bad plan. The computer froze. It might have had something to do with the fact that I was doing too many things with the computer - foolish me! Computer had to be re-set. It was my intention to open no more windows, just Word and work on my exams. However, Maria has just posted. So, I'll have to go read that first. But will get to my exams soon!!!

2:59pm - did you know that you could buy second hand books from Barnes and Noble? I got a gift voucher for my birthday and now, instead of buying two/three books, I can probably get a load more. Now, I need to sit down and write a list of books I want. Hang on, there is a funny smell in the flat??? Damn, it appears I was supposed to be watching the beans. I don't think they are burnt but Maria is a bit grumpy with me. I told her I was concentrating on the computer...true, it wasn't my exams, it was shopping! However, I'd better open Word and get on with the exams NOW!

3:20pm - have written half an exam. However, have been worrying about my failure to detect the boiling beans. Am now boiling eggs to make my egg salad. Will need to chop up an onion and fine cut some coriander (cilantro). This will take me away from the computer...but I am doing something! I am not avoiding writing exams. Honestly.

3:23pm - run out of gas. Can't boil eggs. Will need to hang about on the balcony waiting for the gasman to drive past. I know, I know. It might look as if I'm just sat on the balcony, reading, but I am doing something. I'm waiting for the gasman!

3:47pm - gasman has been. Have lit the boiler and set the eggs to boil (again). Need to chop some food and wash out the glass I am growing my avocado in.

4:04pm - finished sixth grade maths exam!! Decided I was procrastinating, didn't chop food, didn't wash avocado glass, wrote exam instead! I am a man of action!!!

4:46pm - transferred water from huge bottles into smaller bottles. Bit of a disaster with the eggs - might have forgotten they were boiling? There was still water left in the pan though, so they should be alright. Not that I've been avoiding the fifth grade maths exam but, up on acuerdate de acapulco there is a post in English. This is good news, as Maria is asleep in front of the tele - the kids are watching a film about a tooth mouse (no tooth fairy in Mexico, it's a mouse!) [and no IMDB link for El Raton de los Dientes either] - and so couldn't translate for me. The better news is that she's asleep and doesn't know I'm reading blogs, instead of writing exams!

5:36pm - have written the fifth grade exam. It is not a nice exam (sorry) it is full of questions about circles, which means π. The thing about teaching π, is that it is pronounced "pie" in England, which means loads of awful jokes for the maths teacher to make!

Apple Pie - do you get it? Genius, I'll be here all week. Unfortunately, π is pronounced "pea" in Mexico - and there are no jokes that I am doing about a word that sounds like "pee". Hard enough talking about a Wii!! Anyhoo, onward and upward! It is time for this man of action to make his egg salad!!

5:41 - three legged cat had a haircut today! She is a woman of action!! I feel like a failure. Maybe I should go lie down?

6:05 - just realised that I haven't eaten today! Am going to make the egg salad, open some ritz crackers, and dip away. Might also slice up some saussies and coat them in lemon and chili powder. While I am eating I will go watch some tele - probably an episode (or two) of Chuck. Also realised that I haven't said (on here) congratulations to Croila! Congratulations on your fantastic news!!

6:15pm - aaarrrggghhh. Didn't buy Lea and Perrins, didn't buy any dijon mustard. And now Maria feels ill :^( Not because we didn't buy the correct stuff - she just feels ill. I'll go sit with her for a bit.

8:15pm - still sitting with Maria. She is still feeling ill. I can't leave her. Much as I want to write the English exam, I have to think about her feelings. Plus, I'm in the middle of watching something. Gotta go!

10:28pm - time for bed. The kids have to go to bed, which means we have to retire to our bedroom. Not sure how successful this day has been - I've written two exams out of three but I didn't get a haircut. Good night.

iron man revisited

Say it loud, say it proud: I'm a geek!

According to the baby-jee: The geeks will inherit the earth (and I'm fairly sure that he said that, just as I am sure that he said: blessed are the big noses [over to you Helly to spot the quote]).

This is how we roll. Maria and I go to see a film. We watch it, we might talk to each other during the film, but on the whole we watch and come to an opinion. We discuss the film in the car park, in the car, in the restaurant (we tend to go for a meal afterwards). We love each other, we love the other person's opinions. We can tear a film apart, we can ignore plot holes, we can come to a decision. And we came to a decision about Iron Man. It was "meh".

And then we spent the weekend surfing the t'internet. Everyone (that's EVERYONE) thought that Iron Man was the business. Go, now, google reviews of the film and EVERYONE will tell you how wonderful the film was. Where did we go wrong?

I'm a geek. I know (far too much) about Iron Man. I can fill you in on back story, forward story, plot lines. And, although I've been told that geeks will love this film, I still found it "meh". Maria loves Robert Downey (with a passion that I am not going to mention because I might get angry "and you won't like me when I'm angry") and so loved the film...except she didn't. I love comicbooks (with a passion that I am not going to mention because I am desperate for "street-cred") and should love comicbooks on the big screen...but I didn't.

And then we heard that there was another scene after the credits.

So, we went to see Iron Man again. To see the final scene, to see what we had missed. It couldn't be as bad as we thought? It must be a good film. EVERYONE says so.

It's crap.

It is a lot worse than I thought. It is seriously crap!

Dunno about Indiana Jones, dunno about Hellboy, dunno about Hulk, dunno about Batman...but, if you are hanging out for one super-hero film this year, don't waste your time on Iron Man.

The "I've found my home" review can be summed up in two words: It's Crap!

iron man

Iron Man

You are either going to see this or you aren't. It doesn't matter what I say about it - well, I know that no matter what I heard, reviews I read, I would go see it! So, take this review with a pinch of salt. It won't change your mind, one way or another (mainly because my reviews are fairly poor!).

I liked it. Didn't love it, liked it.

Robert Downey is wonderful. He carries the whole film, acts everyone else of the screen. And therein lies the main problem.

The plot isn't as good as Robert Downey. I'm a comic geek and, it appears a bigger geek than I thought. There were plot holes, characterisations, that were missing from the film. This was annoying to Maria. In discussion with her, after, she didn't really feel the motivation behind the character. Oh, thanks to Downey's acting (and a love of Mr. Downey), she felt she understood what the character was going through but...but the whole playboy sub-plot didn't work for her. Nor did the time spent in captivity. Nor did the villain. Nor did Tony Stark's brilliance. In fact, although she insists she enjoyed the film, take out Robert Downey and Maria would have hated the whole thing.

The other actors aren't as good as Robert Downey. I have no idea what Gwyneth Paltrow was doing in this film, acting-wise. She is far, far better than this. It was like she had turned up to do the voice-over for the cartoon and had no idea what to do with her body. There was no sexual-tension between her character and Tony Stark - and that is what they were going for! Hell, Gwyneth Paltrow is beautiful, Robert Downey is beautiful. two beautiful people who have "unspoken desires" for each other. Both of them should have found some spark, somewhere but Ms. Paltrow was in a cartoon. Jeff Bridges has the ability to be a bastard. He is weird enough, he is removed enough, he is capable of being a great villain. But the script was all over the place and there was not enough script for him. And please don't get me started with Terence Howard. This man had second billing, above Bridges and Paltrow, and should have had billing under third-robot-with-fire-extinguisher, who acted him off the screen.

The audience was brilliant. Thank god I didn't see this film at home, on my own. I think this was probably the best film-going audience I have ever shared a film with. In fact, go read one of their reviews - they loved the film. They laughed at the right places (and, more importantly, at the right time). They ahh-ed at the right moments. They loved the film and didn't spoil anyone's enjoyment, they became a really active part, making it a better film. Yeah to the audience.

The effects were...well, go see Transformers if you want robot action.

I'm glad I saw the film, I'm really glad I saw the film with that audience, I loved Robert Downey, I hated the script, I hated every other actor. On average - I liked the film but I won't be watching it again. The good news - Robert Downey is back! This should get him bigger films. The bad news - there is going to be a sequel.