I forget

I forget sometimes how good my life is. I forget how much I like everything in it. Sometimes, though, sometimes it's overwhelming. I couldn't sleep today at 4 in the morning. I was watching will sleeping in the half-light, and thinking of how much it has taken for us to get here. How little it seems. God, I'm happy.

At 4 in the morning, under the blankets, I want to wake him up, just to say "It's 4 in the morning, for the both of us, at the same time!", but I know he's got work later and it's better if he sleeps.

At 4 in the morning, under the blankets, the softness of his hair still takes my breath away. I think back to the first time I ran my hand through it and I want to cry. He's so beautiful.

At 4 in the morning, under the blankets, I make plans for the near future, no further than the beginning of vacations, ridden with maybes and ifs, careful not to dream up anything solid enough that the gods will find it upsetting.

At 4 in the morning, under the blankets, I want to do my in-your-face "And you said it wouldn't last" victory dance. But there's no one to do it to. And I probably wouldn't because I can't really dance.

At 4 in the morning, I have no fears, I have no anxiety. This, alone, is amazing.

And so, today, I have dropped will off at school, gone to Nikos' school to find out if anything is going on - it's mother's day weekend - and no, they're just having their stupid breakfast at "La Escondida" and I'm not going. They have a dance around and pretend to sing thing on the 28th, apparently, but today, it's just with the other mums, which, thanks, but no thanks. I went to a spare part shop to find a cap for the radiator's overflow tank, because, yes, it has one, but it's not the proper cap. They told me that I might be better off with what it has for the moment, maybe after we get the radiator fully sorted - it seems to be leaking, which we will have to fix, but not yet.

And I came home. I sat down here, and listened to this song source decay.mp3 and it made me happy, like The Mountain Goats tend to.