maria

home

We are home. I thought, after the events, that I would not want to go out or do anything ever again. As it happens, I have. We have. Of course, it's been absolutely necessary stuff, but what I'm saying is that I'm not trying to lock myself in.

We went across the border again today. The truck feels so good that I want to only take it to the best repair shop ever for the rest of our lives, but of course we won't. We would, if we could, but a two hour drive might be beyond the truck's capabilities if it ever needs any work done. Maybe for checkups, though. You know, make a day of it.

In any case, we went to San Diego today to get supplies for the new school year. And vacuum filters. And pies. 22 of them. They're tiny and cute and come in a small brown box. The plan is for Will to be able to take one to school in the mornings. But then - as he dives into the first second one - this might just be MY plan. Which is fair enough.

We went to the Lakeshore store to get more supplies. After picking monkeys as the theme for the classroom borders and signs and whatnot, we considered the possibility of an ant farm. It hadn't been possible to get one before because we didn't have a Postal Box until a few months ago - over a year ago? Has it been that long? - and so we couldn't get the ants mailed to us. Now we can, but, we still decided to wait a bit to get it. I love the thought of it so much you would think it was for me.

We decided to eat at the Applebee's next door, because Will was wondering why we never had. Truth of the matter, we never had because we were always seduced by the Outback Steakhouse - the malt loaf, the green beans, the steak, man! -, and the menus at Applebee's always looked... meh. But today was the day we would try the place.

Turns out, they don't ask you if you're doing OK as many times as they do at Outback, but then they don't have an awesome malt loaf. They don't serve fajitas in 23 1/2 plates like they do at chili's, but they don't have as varied a menu, and so, meh. It was OK. Not bad, not great.

We drove back home, stopping to get our mail, furniture oil at the home depot, and petrol at the nearest Shell. We crossed the border into Mexico and are now home. I still like being home best of everything.

life's too short

Ileana and Efraín had been planning their kids' birthday party for about a month now. Not like obsessively planning, but, you know, planning. We were invited - which was very nice of them - and it was implicit that we should take the kids. And we were going to. It was on a Saturday, so we were going to.

Knowing that the kids were going to be with us Saturday, and this week from Tuesday to Sunday, we decided to go out last Friday night. I had read on Pajiba about The Strangers, and decided maybe horror films weren't that bad if they were done well, so we went to see it - liked it a lot - and afterwards, we went to buy beer at BevMo.

There is no good reason to go buy beer all the way to BevMo unless you are looking for a specific beer. And that's the thing. Last Thursday - was it Thursday? I don't know, really, I'm just making it up now - at the 91X morning show, they had Beer for breakfast (ah, it was on Thursday) and they had Dogfish Head 90 minute IPA. Which they rated higher than they had ever rated any other beer (Now, this show, the morning show, is relatively new, and the people who took it on have had to struggle a bit against the love that people had for the previous DJ. I have to confess that at the beginning I felt pretty much the same. But they've grown on me, and so we listen to them every morning now - I think I even like it better than the old show now... or maybe not. But then, who remembers? God, I'm terrible), and I thought we should try it. So we went to BevMo in Mission Valley, which just happens to be right across the parking lot from Borders.

About an hour later we are driving back with two four packs of Dogfish Head 90 minute IPA, Thank You For Smoking by Christopher Buckley, The Yiddish Policemen's Union: A Novel by Michael Chabon, I Was Told There'd Be Cake by Sloane Crosley, Saturday by Ian McEwan, All The King's Men by Robert Penn Warren - the original version, not the new unedited version, which I heard does the book a disservice by even existing in the same universe -, joy in our hearts, and about 2 dollars. All was well with the world.

We get home to receive a call from the kids - oh, surprise of surprises, since they never, ever call us, it is us calling them, always, and by "us", I mean, of course me -. They were cancelling on us. Yes, you read it right, they had scheduling problems due to another party. A party with so-called relatives - which they are so not, it's one of their cousin's cousin, and they never see this people. I'm sure my ex doesn't even like them, but of course, who is he to decline the possibility to screw me out of a thoroughly planned day with my kids and fuck my entire weekend? No one. He cannot possibly. And to prove how fantastically well he has planned this out, instead of talking to me himself, the coward sends the kids to do his dirty work for him.

Understanding how it is not the kids' fault, I did not chew their heads off, accepted that we would see them on Sunday instead, and thought about how I should have taken the shot back then. Idiot. It's terrible that the one time they call us - as opposed to me calling them -, it is to cancel.

And so. There's us, showing up at this party without children. We sat down and their lawyer friend was nice enough to sit with us and talk football a little bit, which was very nice of him. A couple of conversations were had with them and other people, and that was that. We both felt terrible about the absence of our kids, and a bit weirded out that we were there without them, but we had bought the presents, and these are our friends! What were we supposed to do? Somehow, not showing up just didn't seem like a choice at all. I still feel weird about them, like there's some sort of weird distance thing or something.

They came over Sunday. They will be back tomorrow, and they're staying all week. Will has a long day at school today, and all this week, because of rehearsals. This is going to be a long week.

the birthday

We went to San Diego yesterday - I believe we mentioned on the twitter - to celebrate Efraín's birthday. We had bought him a couple of t-shirts as presents - I tried to find the other shirt but it is just not there. Sorry. - and we went to this Japanese buffet thing for dinner. We stuffed our faces. It was so bad I thought I'd fall asleep during the drive back. And I was driving!

So but after the thing we went to their home for a few beers - I don't drink when outside of my home, so it was just them having the beers, but I always have fun. Later on in the evening, more people showed up. Things were strange for a bit, there. One couple we had met during the Christmas eve post dinner party and they were... pretty much the same. She appears bitter and he is very sociable. Last night we learnt he is a lawyer. The other couple we had never met before.

I was worried for a bit about Will. Sometimes it happens that the conversations in Spanish go too fast and he can't really even begin to consider catching up, and he gets really bored and annoyed - and who wouldn't? - but then, suddenly, he is out in the back patio and all of the men in the party are around him, listening. And understanding him. And laughing.

And I'm not surprised. He shines. He is a beautiful man.

*Unrelated pictures of him in the kitchen, cooking dinner. How sexy is it that he cooks dinner for me? Very.
Very, very sexy.

business as usual

I should start with the fact that I've added a few links. This is because my source of reading comes mostly from the aforementioned reader, but I thought maybe you wanted to know.

And if you want a free copy of American Gods, for the next month or so, it will be here. The first book Will ever sent me was his autographed copy of American Gods, and not having read anything by Neil Gaiman before, I completely loved it and was was later surprised by the fact that he wrote comics. It's an excellent book and you should go read it if you never have before.

We went out yesterday. I mentioned the fact that the kitchen sink was out of commission, and Will had had one of those days where everything seems to go wrong or just not flow properly, so I thought it was the perfect excuse to go out. After a bit of back and forth, Will suggested that we grab a few beers at the Tijuana brewery - him, I was driving - and then go to the Merlot Bistro so he could try the sandwiches. We had been there last week and he had a lovely Salmon dish, but when he mentioned to his co-workers that he'd been, everyone asked him about the sandwiches. Apparently they are the big thing there.

Anyway, with the food he also had a couple of margaritas - so this threat wasn't kept; he has accused me of plying him with drink this morning just so he couldn't keep it. Ha! Please! - which were, according to him, very nice.

The afternoon was spent talking about racism and how much of a shock it has been for me to become aware of it. It's not so much that I was not aware, but that I thought it was just my mother and my friends' mothers. Now that the blindness is gone, I am shocked about it. The perniciousness of it, how embedded it is in everybody, and how I didn't see it.

I know I've been going on and on about it, and for that I apologise, but it is just so wrong!

We also talked about the way we argue, and how we've gotten better at it - better in the sense that we get problems resolved -. This makes me very happy. We know now why we have the arguing styles that we have and we are trying to find ways to be more rational about our behaviours. I know we don't argue very often by most standards, but I think every argument brings about the possibility of growth and betterment, so why not take advantage of it?

In quality training they tell you that positive feedback is good for worker motivation, but not for much else. Negative feedback is what makes companies improve their products or services. If someone is dissatisfied but doesn't tell you about it, you've lost someone's business and an opportunity to improve and make this person or business happy. That's one of the things I find true about life in general. If you're not happy with someone and you don't tell them, you're not giving them the opportunity to find out what it was that upset you. Granted, they might not change, they might not improve, they might not care, even, but you've given them the chance. And everyone deserves a chance to better themselves. Will avoids doing this by any means possible. If he's unhappy about something that I did or didn't do, he will fix it himself rather than tell me he expected me to do/not do this. We're trying to change that.

I was afraid to be angry at him because it worried me that at some point - because god only knows how many things he just swallows to avoid confrontation - it would be too much. He'd be unhappy and, worse, he would not tell me. I can now show anger at him and it is fine. We are fine with it.

The rest of the evening was spent trying to figure out the relationships between three people at the next table. I don't think we got them right.

Everything

I start posts I never finish, there's little to say about lots of things and there's lots of things that because I don't write about I don't realise just how much there is to say about them.

But we'll try.

The car: The car feels wonderful. I am growing confident in the driving and it becomes easier each day. I'm glad I didn't completely stop driving, and I see just how close I was to doing just that.

Schizophrenia: My father was a schizophrenic, and reading the symptoms is always a scary thing. My mother has warned me about reading the symptoms for any mental disease because you are likely to find a couple that fit you. Or more. And so it's scary. I have never really thought about it but my mother said to me a couple of times that she had been scared when she'd had me, because of the hereditary element to it. I remember my shrink telling her once that having grown up with her, what is absolutely amazing is that I am NOT completely fucking nuts.

The kids: They have been with us all week and with the amount of space we have it is driving us up the wall. They are lovely to have around though. I don't realise just how much I miss having them around until things like these happen. I realise it is impractical to think of them living with us full time, but, despite of how exhausted we both are at the end of the day, it's just beautiful to be able to pick them up from school and hear from Nikos more than "I did lots of things today." I get details. Details!

Meatloaf: I cooked meatloaf for the first time since that time I burnt it seven or eight years ago. It was lovely and I'm happy yet another demon has been put to rest. Slowly but surely I'll get a grip on my small but multiple fears.

Dieting: Slowly getting rid of those vanity pounds. It is harder than it used to be, slower than it used to be. It's still happening.

My dad: My dad is coming over next week. I'm just glad he is not around this week with the kids being around at the same time. He'll get to see them, but they won't be sleeping over. He has a book to present and some photographs to show, so he's here only for three days. I'm afraid that with him being a bit of an asshole and whatnot, I might have to draw lines I never before had to. This makes me very nervous.

Will: With the kids here, we get a bit less alone time. I miss him. I'm with him most of the day, but I still miss him. I'm looking forward to Saturday, when we will get to go get his new shirts and whatnot and just have a day together. He's been wonderful to the kids and wonderful to me and he deserves a big thank you.

Annie: She's a friend from University. We've made contact again for the first time in years and it is just like before. Except now I use eye cream.

Eye Cream: I am getting so old!

New trainers, Parking, Meals, Hats, Presents: $142.16 USD

The prior day had murdered my feet, so we went in the search for a pair of trainers. I suggested the VANS store that was close to the PEP-Boys where we got the tyre changed, but Will - who is the most considerate man in the world - offered we went elsewhere, where I could find something I really wanted. After driving around for an hour, we ended up at the VANS store, which ended up NOT being exclusively a VANS store, and carried the PUMA's I wanted, and one lost hour later, we were on our way.

I still feel bad about that. Will did not complain about the lost hour - even though he could have totally gone on "I'll pay you your fucking three dollars back when we get back" and "we have already lost an hour" mode, like the family at the queue the day before and I would have taken it because, well, it would have been right, I did waste all that time and spent over $70.00 USD that we could have spent on something else had I brought my fucking trainers. I'm sorry -. He's such a sweetheart.

We got to the park. Disneyland California Adventure. Neither of us had been. All we knew was that it is usually half empty. Or half full. Take your pick. And then there was that episode from The Simpson's where Homer has to help his mother run from the cops, and goes: I'll take you to a place where there is no one for miles around... Disneyland California Adventure!".

The lack of crowds was very welcome. There were queues, of course - like the mum from the family who was in the queue to buy the tickets yesterday said to the kid who was moaning about queueing: "We might as well get back on the car and go home, because queueing is what Disneyland is all about!" - but not as long and always fast moving. We went for breakfast, first, while the Dramamine took effect. A burger and fries later, we were queueing for ride after ride after ride. At some point, I took pictures of Will standing with Lightning McQueen and Mater. We did Mulholland Madness twice - not one right after the other -, California Screamin' three times - god it was fantastic -, the Maliboomer twice - yes, one after the other, and I should apologise to Will again for making him go twice after he had said at the Tower of Terror that he didn't like rides where your legs dangle. Sorry, babe -, Soarin' over California - what's with ending everything in "in'" instead of "ing"? -, which had the longest queue and seemed like it wasn't going to be worth it - a woman who left said "this long a queue for this is just not worth it" was our clue -, but in the end it was. Even though our legs dangled here, too.

We walked to the Disneyland Park after the last California Screamin' ride. Our intention was to see the fireworks again, but the weather didn't allow for it. This was actually a good thing, we felt, since we had seen it the night before. We drove home. Best. Vacation. Ever.

Tickets to Disneyland and Disney California Adventure: $244.00 USD

I was worried about the rides. One thing that Will wanted to do, he wanted to go on the rides. I had never been on a roller coaster. Or any rides. At all. I'm serious, yes, really. One of the reasons is motion sickness. The big reason. Yes, I know there is Dramamine, and yes I have taken it, for other reasons, but never to go on rides. And I didn't have any certainty that it actually worked, as I had never taken it specifically for roller coaster riding.

So we buy the tickets, and as we are queueing, I take the Dramamine (Will has a picture of the moment here), and we walk into the park. Let me just take a moment to say how incredibly wonderful it is to go to Disneyland without kids. It is fucking ace. I know that in conversations, if we ever touched the Disneyland subject I spent half the conversation berating it. I'm sorry. I plan to personally apologise to every man or woman who I ever got into an argument over the wonderfulness of Disney. It IS wonderful. It might have to do with the fact that we didn't have the kids with us. Or the fact that I didn't have to worry about anything the whole time. Or that I was high on Dramamine and therefore able to enjoy all of the rides. But I know it has to do with the fact that I was there with Will and I was able to just relax and be myself. It was wonderful.

The rides were great. I will say that I was nervous before we got on the first one. Will apologised to me before we rode. I believe he apologised prior each and every one of them. I should have apologised before making him get on the Maliboomer the second time. I think I apologised after - but that was the next day, and I'm getting ahead of myself, that was how fucking exciting this whole thing was -. So we get on it and god, it was brilliant. Dramamine rocks!

I was able to have breakfast after. A very proud achievement for me. We had a very sad looking egg and cheese croissant each and went on to get on the splash mountain thing, the Indiana Jones adventure ride, did the star tours, did NOT do the monorail, thought we wouldn't get to do the Thunder Mountain Rail road, but did. Did the Rivers of America thing, stayed for Fantasmic and the fireworks - had to buy a sweatshirt, because by this moment I was fucking freezing -, and then finished up by going to the ESPN Zone to have some buffalo wings and onion rings. It wasn't the plan, originally, but that's what ended up happening and it was brill.

I was freezing and my feet were killing me - teach ME to wear heels to a park! - and I had never had so much fun in a park in my entire life. I love my life.

Downtown Disney: $103.00

When we got back to the hotel, we decided we should walk to Downtown Disney. We had driven by it - or so I thought - on the way to the PEP-Boys thing and so it was close enough. Unless, of course, we got lost. Which we did. There are just so many IHOP's! "Across the street from the IHOP" is really not a good reference.

On the plus side, we got to ride on the... erm... the thing. The thing that drives you from the parking lot to the park entrance. The tram? Is that what they call it? Whatever. We did. And we went to the cinema. We sat at the Uva Bar, Will tried a new beer - which he will probably tell you about at some point, he just hasn't wanted to post because he doesn't want to "steal my thunder", even though there is no way we write about the same things the same way and I don't believe there is any "thunder" to be stolen, but okay -, watched "Night at the Museum" - why IS Owen Wilson uncredited and yet in all the promos? -, went back to the bar - the bartender told us we could smoke. Cigarettes, he adds. Unless you are sharing. I immediately liked him -, had some more beers, some dinner, it was fantastic. Some kids sat next to us at the bar, and Will left for the toilets saying: "Don't talk to them". Of course, by the time he got back, I had already found out the guy next to me was sick of babysitting them and the one furthest away from us had just turned 21. This guy, the one next to me, had just come back from Iraq. Iraq, actually. And these guys have been friends of his since they were kids. And he thought Will had a great accent, he was in England once, for two weeks (and to think it is just full of people who have wonderful, lovely accents, I could just die. My words, not soldier guy's). It was cool. He doesn't remember the name of the place. These friends of his have been celebrating for two days. He was tired, but they are his friends. They left and later came back looking for babysitter guy, but he had left after them.

We regretted not taking pictures of soldier guy. Babysitter guy. Whatever. We walked back and talked about what the trip means to us. It's our first roadtrip. I don't have the best memories related to Disney. I always went as mum, I always spent the trip fighting with Raul. It was never any fun. I was determined to have fun this time. Will wants to build memories. And there is a certain... wanting to make this MORE.

I see what he is doing, you know, I know. But... this is so completely different. Will is so completely different from my ex-husband, there is absolutely no frame of reference in my head where it is a question. The circumstances are different, too. Everything is. And it goes both ways, really, no comparisons are made, and none are fair. This is wonderful.

We got back to the hotel, we closed the door. This is our life.